OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
