i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
