On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
