Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
