this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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