I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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