yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
