I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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