had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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