I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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