And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
