ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
