why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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