Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
