I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Come on in and take your pants off
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
