So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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