Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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