Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
