I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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