I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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