I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
