wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
