My hand turned me down
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
