Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
