Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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