as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come on in and take your pants off
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