apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
