that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
