The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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