I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
