i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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