Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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