You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
