Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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