no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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