I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
