What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
