The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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