Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to calm my uterus...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
