We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
