i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
