a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
