mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
