After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
is it fun? or sober?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
