i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
