i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
