Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
