So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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