Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
