I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
