Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
