Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
