Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
