It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
