By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
