this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
