I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize