I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
