thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
