i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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