Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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