she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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