when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
