i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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