How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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