Apparently you make a good broom.
Welp...herpes.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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